The house rules, in full
This is every rule of The Steadfast Lounge, written out so no brother has to guess. Each one says what keeping it looks like and what crossing it looks like, because a rule you cannot picture is a rule you cannot keep. You agree to all of it before you take a seat, and the lounge records the date you did.
A man cannot be honest in a room where he might be hunted. Every line below exists so you can say the true thing out loud and walk toward the Lord instead of toward danger. Put on the full armor of God, and with this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying. Ephesians chapter 6.
The rules
- 01 This is not a dating space and not a sexual space
- 02 No contact information, anywhere, ever
- 03 No solicitation, no explicit detail
- 04 Conversations stay in this room
- 05 Come to build, not to consume
- 06 Be who you say you are
- 07 Answer the questions every man answers
- 08 Hold the line on doctrine without swinging it at men
- 09 We are brothers, not clinicians
- 10 When something is wrong, report it
This is not a dating space and not a sexual space
You are here to be honest with God and with your brothers about same sex attraction, and to walk toward healing. You are not here to find a man. Every other rule on this page is downstream of this one.
Keeping it
Naming your struggle plainly. Asking a brother to pray with you about it. Telling the truth about a hard week.
Crossing it
Flirting. Complimenting a brother's looks. Fishing for who is single. Treating another man's honesty as an opening.
No contact information, anywhere, ever
No emails, no phone numbers, no social handles or usernames, no links, no outside apps. Not in your profile, a post, a comment, a journal, a devo, a prayer request, a chat, a reading plan, a goal or a private message. Disguised spellings are treated the same as plain ones, because the intent is the same.
Keeping it
Keeping every word inside this room and letting the room do its work.
Crossing it
Name at gmail. A number spelled out in words. My handle is the same everywhere. Find me on the other app.
No solicitation, no explicit detail
You may say what you struggle with. You may not invite another man into it, and you may not narrate it. One honest sentence about temptation strengthens a brother. A scene does not, it feeds him.
Keeping it
I am fighting lust this week and I am losing more than I am winning.
Crossing it
Describing an encounter. Fantasy. Asking a brother what he is into. Any message that positions a man as a target.
Conversations stay in this room
What a man confesses here stays here. There is no way to move a conversation off the lounge, because there is no way to trade the details that would make that possible, and beyond that every brother gives his word.
Keeping it
Praying about what you read and never repeating it anywhere.
Crossing it
Screenshots. Repeating a brother's confession to someone outside. Talking about a man's story as news.
Come to build, not to consume
This room runs on men who give. If you read a brother's honesty and leave nothing behind, week after week, you are taking from this place rather than adding to it. New men are welcome to be quiet while they find their footing. Watching from the shadows as a habit is a different thing, and staff watch for it.
Keeping it
Answering the man who asked. Praying for the man who posted. Showing up in the room you said you would.
Crossing it
Reading everything, giving nothing, and only reaching out to men one at a time in private.
Be who you say you are
You can be anonymous here. You cannot be false. Anonymous means a handle instead of your name. False means a life you invented, an age you are not, or a second account after staff dealt with your first one.
Keeping it
A generated handle, a true story, and as much of your real name as you choose to show.
Crossing it
A fictional man. A second account. Speaking for a brother who is not in the room. Anyone under 18.
Answer the questions every man answers
Before you have a seat, you sign the declarations and answer the membership questions in full: your faith, who Jesus is to you, why you are here, how you want to grow, and a brief version of your testimony. They are public inside the room. A brother who knows nothing about you cannot walk with you, and a room of unnamed intentions is not safe.
Keeping it
Real answers in your own words, updated when your walk changes.
Crossing it
Blank answers. Copied answers. Placeholder text to get past the form.
Hold the line on doctrine without swinging it at men
We do not soften what scripture says about sexual holiness, and we do not use it to beat a brother who is already on the floor. Truth and gentleness travel together here. Correct a man the way you would want to be corrected on your worst day.
Keeping it
Saying the hard thing plainly, then staying with him afterward.
Crossing it
Contempt. Mockery. Preaching at a man instead of praying with him. Also telling a man his sin is not sin.
We are brothers, not clinicians
This room is prayer, honesty and accountability. It is not therapy, medical care or emergency support, and no brother here should present himself as any of those. If a man is in danger, he needs real help in the room he is standing in, not a thread.
Keeping it
Praying with a brother and telling him plainly when he needs more help than we can give.
Crossing it
Giving medical or clinical direction. Promising a man you can carry what only the Lord and trained help can.
When something is wrong, report it
If a brother's words trouble you, flag them. It goes straight to the staff queue and staff read it. Watchfulness is not gossip. It is how this room stays safe for the man who walks in next week.
Keeping it
Reporting the message and letting staff do their work.
Crossing it
Handling it yourself in private. Warning other men quietly instead of telling staff.
How the rules are actually enforced
Checked as you type, and again before it saves
Every place a brother can write is scanned in the app and scanned again on the server. Profiles, membership answers, posts, comments, journals, devotional entries, room chats, prayer requests, reading plans, goals, commitments and private messages all pass the same checks.
A blocked draft is not a deleted draft
If something is stopped, nothing publishes, but you keep your words and you are told what tripped the check. Remove the unsafe part and post it. A silent deletion teaches nothing and protects no one.
Staff read before the room does, where it matters
Prayer wall requests are approved by staff before they go public. New profiles come up for review. Reported content goes into a staff queue, and when safety requires it an authorized staff brother can open a reported journal, devo or prayer request in a private review, and that read is logged.
What happens when a rule is broken
The draft is stopped
Most rule breaking ends here. The unsafe words never reach another brother, and the man is told what happened and why.
A staff brother speaks to him
A pattern gets a direct conversation. Not a form letter. A brother saying plainly what he is doing and what has to change.
Limits on the account
Where it is needed, a man loses access to parts of the room while staff watch how he handles correction.
Suspension
A man who keeps pushing at brothers is suspended. His work stays in the record, the reason is recorded, and so is the staff brother who acted.
Removal
A man who will not stop endangering brothers is removed. This room exists so men can be honest without being hunted, and a man who hunts gets shown the door.
Where the rest of it is written down
How this room is kept safe is on the Safety page. What we keep and what we never do with it is in the Privacy Policy, and the legal side of membership is in the Terms.